allow me to introduce myself...
Hi, I'm Ell, the Founder of Your Self Love Story.
For 5+ years, I wrote about love for a living, as the Founder of Forgetting Fairytales - a Specialist Breakup, Dating, Relationship & Self Love blog, that reached over 7.5 million+ readers, across all 195 countries globally. I have also coached hundreds of women, worldwide, with private, strategic coaching. And one thing I found everything so often came back to?... SELF LOVE, honestly.
I truly believe that self love is at the heart of everything - no matter what your relationship status is...
Which is why I decided to home in on this, creating online coaching challenges, a supportive community space, affordable self love coaching plans and 1:1 specialist self love coaching, so that - whichever route you take - I can help you develop a true sense of self love - once and for all.
Let’s get to know each other a little better…
So hey, sit back, grab a coffee, and let’s dig into my self love story. This is why I’m so damn passionate about what I do, and why I’m so genuinely & wholeheartedly committed to helping you. It’s taken a long time to have the confidence to fully and openly share this with the world, but I figured - if it helps you to put your trust in me and embark on #yourselflovestory - it’s worth it.
TRIGGER WARNING: The following content may be distressing and includes mention of assault and trauma.
My self love story
Growing up, I would swirl around in my Princess dresses, dreaming of that “happily ever after.” I was always so full of love, joy and hope.
The thing is, real-life hit hard for me, when - at the age of just 15 - I was brutally assaulted by the person who I thought was my first true love. It was a huge trauma that forced me to hit rock bottom, questioning everyone and everything; triggering complex-PTSD as a result.
I was manipulated, used, abused, then tossed aside. And that stuck with me... As much as you can try to rationalise things - there was always an element of “why me?”
This early trauma also significantly impacted my development of self love. It instilled negative core beliefs that sustained feelings of unworthiness, shame, and inadequacy; and developed a cruel inner voice, full of self-criticism and a lack of self-compassion, that I struggled to shift.
my self love story
After that, I became fixated on love being “the fix”. I thought that if I could just be loved, fully and truly this time, I would finally be and feel worthy.
It became a desperate need, an obsession, and it led me to toxic relationships and destructive habits, that further damaged my sense of self-worth. I experienced infidelity, incessant deceit, and at times, even tolerated violence; all of which only built on my past trauma & negative beliefs about myself.
There were many glimmers of hope, many positive experiences in my search to find love, too. But because I didn’t know my worth, I kept being attracted back to the people who were just as “broken” as I thought I was.
After all, as the saying goes: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” 💔
Now of course, I wasn’t completely faultless. I had trust issues, insecurities, an incredibly anxious attachment and I certainly hadn’t gotten to grips with my triggers & how to handle the overwhelming emotions they stirred up either. There were many times where I struggled to show up in relationships in the way I wanted to, or in the way that felt like me.
But I refused to give up; I refused to let my past define me and I was determined to step up, take responsibility and make the changes I needed to see in myself to build the life (and love) that I wanted.
My self love story
After having to break off an engagement in 2019 and start over - AGAIN - I finally decided that enough was enough. This HAD to be the turning point. And, thankfully, it was.
I went to therapy - multiple times actually. At one point I even tried hypnotherapy too. None of which worked. So I decided to take control of my own life, mind and reality.
I completely immersed myself in learning the depths of breakups, dating and relationships – the key challenges, the psychology that is all linked in with it, but most importantly, the solutions: what you can do.
I read books, I swatted up on strategies, I developed my own fundamental processes, and -just to cover all areas– gained coaching qualifications. (Because I knew I wanted to do everything that I could, to be fully equipped in helping other people too.)
That’s how Forgetting Fairytales came about in 2020 and it grew pretty rapidly. I would write, I would coach, and I was most definitely learning and growing too. But the truth was - I was still only touching the surface...
I was focused on everyone else & forgetting about myself.
My value was now - very firmly - placed on my success and my achievements. I was painting over the cracks and avoiding confronting the damaging beliefs, negative self talk and unresolved issues, that continued to torment me.
my self love story
On 24th July 2021, I met my soulmate (now husband) by complete and utter chance.
Meeting Adam didn’t make everything automatically fall into place, but by finding someone who was (genuinely) everything I'd ever dreamed of - it ignited the fire inside me to make sure that NO amount of past-pain or potential-future-sabotage would EVER allow me to lose this relationship now.
I finally felt safe. I truly felt loved & accepted.
And so I knew it was well beyond time that I find that love and acceptance for myself...
“The right person won’t fix everything, but they’ll make you see that you can do it all yourself."
See, it was no longer about simply getting over the past. I’d already accepted that. Instead, it was about rewriting my brain, rediscovering my TRUE worth, and building myself up - higher than I’d ever been before.
This turning point, this new chapter, was where my self love story truly began...
my self love story
Now I'm not going to tell you that it was simple, it was easier, or the process was linear. It wasn't, and - in all honesty - I still have battles with the way I feel in myself today. The difference is - they're now far less frequent, far less intense, I can separate myself from them, and I know what to do when they show up.
But that's why I can firmly and confidently do the work that I do today - knowing that, I too, can get you through ANY personal battles that have been preventing you from being able to love & accept all parts of you.
See, I truly don’t want anyone to feel as broken and alone as I once did. I’m lucky enough to now be living a life that was once just a dream; married to the love of my love and FINALLY finding the love and acceptance for myself. But this has been a 15 year +, long and excruciatingly-difficult journey, and it's one that I wouldn't want anyone to have to face alone.
My self love story
Today, I can finally look myself in the mirror and feel at peace.
I'm not just "in my self love era," I've made self love a part of me, as I know it's what allows me to show up as my best, true self - not just for myself, but also for everyone else.
I'm not perfect. Gee, who is? And who would even want to be?! But I'm intentionally living in a way that is true to me, and as a result - I've found literally every part of my life improve.
It's transformed everything, truly. That's why I so passionately want it for you too.
I want you to feel safe. I want you to feel loved & accepted.
And so, my coaching style encompasses exactly this.
Using specialist strategic intervention coaching tools, combined with the greatest gifts - a feeling of safety, non-judgmental support, and genuine love & care, I help men & women all over the world to feel the way they want to feel in themselves and create the life & relationships they truly deserve. And there's no better job in the world...
let's cut to the chase
So did I...
In all honesty, I once thought "self love" was just the latest buzz-word. I thought I knew my worth, and to some degree - I did. But the difference was - I didn't truly FEEL worthy. It was all a bit of a front, with me kidding MYSELF more than anyone else.
At the end of the day, self love is in fact for everyone - from those with the highest self-esteem to the lowest. Self-love is also not a fixed state, but a continuous process of engaging in behaviors and thoughts that nurture your well-being.