(And I can do the same with you, too!)
Fed up of battling with low self esteem? Of not feeling worthy, of acting out of character and kicking yourself for it?
Is it causing issues in your love life? Stopping you from being able to show up in the way that you want to, in the way that feels like you? Preventing you from being able to fully relax, and enjoy the relationship? Or attract the right person to you?
Then it’s time to get to the bottom of it, my friends.
This is how I help women overcome low self esteem in a relationship (for REAL this time, no blagging it or burying things down inside!)...
Take our quick quiz to reveal your level of self esteem in a relationship.
Let's start from the top...
First up, let’s look at how you know you have low self esteem in a relationship. After all, you might think, “I’m a confident person, I can talk to anyone”, or “I’m bossing it at work, I know my worth.” But each area of your life is a different board-game, right? You can have different levels of confidence in different areas.
So here’s some of the signs that you - actually do in fact - struggle with low self esteem in a relationship:
You often find you compare yourself to other women, especially women who you think your partner would have been interested in, or perhaps was with in the past. (e.g. an ex girlfriend.)
You feel easily threatened by other women - even if you know there’s nothing to worry about.
You’re protective over your partner; at times you may even come across as jealous.
You’re often looking out for “threats” in the relationship; things that could go wrong. (This may also come back to / tie into an anxious attachment.)
You hate feeling out of control or like you don’t know what will / could happen in your relationship.
You’re often seeking reassurance or validation - especially from your partner.
You worry about losing your partner. (This may cross-over into fear of abandonment.)
You feel like you NEED your partner or the relationship, you feel like you’d struggle to cope without it / them.
You may question your partner’s faithfulness - not due to lack of trust, but insecurities of your own.
You usually feel pretty vulnerable in a relationship, even when there’s no indication that you should feel that way.
You may avoid communication to try to prevent conflict or rejection.
You’re sensitive to criticism - or what you perceive as criticism - from your partner, even about small things, like perhaps if they ask you why you didn’t do the washing up. It makes you feel bad about yourself.
You regularly experience negative self talk, and “beat yourself up” - even over the small stuff.
You feel like you HAVE to make your partner happy, as if it’s your responsibility, and you’re failing if you don’t.
You might find it difficult to accept compliments from your partner, laughing or brushing them off.
You may find it difficult to ask for what you need, or harshly criticise yourself when you do express them. You feel like a burden, don’t always trust your own judgement, or feel like you’re making a “fuss” out of nothing.
You struggle to set clear, reasonable boundaries in your relationship.
You’re often thinking about your relationship, to the point where it can become pretty tiring / draining.
You may end find you self-sabotage - unintentionally testing or damaging the relationship because you believe it's doomed or don't feel worthy of it.
You just don’t back yourself. You may know your worth on paper, but you usually don’t feel it.
let's dig deeper
The thing is, low self esteem in a relationship doesn't just affect you; but your partner and the relationship itself too. It leads to:
Habits & behaviours from low self esteem lead to increased conflict, and your partner feeling frustrated, drained or blamed. It also creates a toxic environment, that's not sustainable; resulting in - in some cases - separation.
This can lead to emotional repression or emotional outbursts, both of which hinder emotional intimacy and trust, causes misunderstandings / resentment, and prevents effective conflict resolution.
Low self esteem which shows itself as insecurity, jealousy and accusations, completely undermine trust. This can push a partner away, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy where the fear of abandonment leads to actions that cause abandonment.
Low self-esteem can not only stop YOU from opening up, but also stop YOUR PARTNER from speaking up too, resulting in a withdrawal. This leads to emotional distance, which is not fulfilling for either of you.
Overall, you'll find there's a lot of unnecessary tension in the relationship, and a heavy strain on it. It's not a healthy dynamic, that can lead to lasting love, which is why you HAVE to recognise it before it's too late...
let's cut to the chase
Now before you start beating yourself up about all of this, let’s not forget that it’s damn HARD to overcome low self esteem, especially on your own. After all, when it comes to self esteem issues, you’ll find…
Your low self-esteem is likely to have stemmed from negative early experiences, difficult past experiences (in & out of relationships), and often even trauma. These literally SHAPED the way you think and internalise things. As a result, you’ll also have…
The negative beliefs feeding your self esteem are also deeply integrated; to the point where it even becomes part of your identity and cognitive systems. It takes an incredible amount of work to permanently change these.
Then there's cognitive patterns, like negative self talk, which also consequently develop and become - not only subconscious which are harder to battle - but an automatic deeply ingrained habit; reinforcing the negative beliefs and creating an ongoing cycle.
But that's where I come in
The good news is - all hope is not lost.
As a Specialist Strategic Intervention Coach, I make lasting positive change happen far faster and easier.
When working with me, you have the strategy, the tools, the techniques & activities, the advanced coaching (to work through the super tricky stuff), and of course, that much-needed extra element of ACCOUNTABILITY.
What we'll do
In a nutshell, here's how I will typically work you through your low self esteem issues, step by step...
First, we’ll pinpoint exactly where these self esteem issues are coming from - we'll get to the root cause(s) and dig as deep as we need to go, to fully understand what we need to work on here.
This could go back to childhood experiences, unresolved trauma, past relationship hurts (this is a big one!), mental health conditions, societal pressures, etc. Just know - there's nothing too big, or too small.
We'll then start to build on the root cause(s), recognising habits, patterns, cycles, behaviours, beliefs and fears - the things that have stopped you from making the changes you want (and need) to see.
From there, we can break down each and every issue or obstacle, with clear, simple, manageable, steps forward. We'll work through it all, one by one, step by step, so that these things no longer have the same POWER over you.
That’s right, it’s time to re-gain control.
My go-to-methods include, predominantly, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) coaching techniques, stepping-stone-challenges with that added element of accountability, and -where helpful - basic CBT.
(But hey - I can explain the technicalities of it in more detail over a FREE Discovery Call.)
For every old habit you're going to break, we'll replace it with a new one that fosters lasting self esteem - not only in your relationship, but in everyday life too.
Don't worry, we'll take it nice and slowly, if you need, with steady stepping-stone-steps (that you can TOTALLY handle my friends), leading to a newer, more authentic, and confident version of you.
You'll have go-to techniques and tools for every single thing that held you back from being able to show up as your most confident self in your relationship, in the past.
Now change is never a simple, easy, set linear path. So we’ll also plan for the “what ifs” that are likely to show up, that could set you back on your journey to lasting change. This REMOVES the future fears or challenges, and ensures you’re fully prepared - nothing is going to steer you off course, and if it does, you’ll know how to confidently get back.
want to know if this is for you?
If you're worried about the effect your low self esteem is having, but are unsure whether you definitely NEED this, or whether it's the right root for you - sign up for a quick relationship review.
There's no cost, no risk, but you can expect FREE specialist advice & guidance given at the very least.
the nitty gritty
Now if you are interested in working with me to overcome your low self esteem in a relationship, here's what I recommend...
This is our most affordable, cost-effective way to receive custom coaching, setting you up for 12 months of strategic plans that you can implement yourself, to overcome your low self esteem in a relationship.
This is our complete coaching programme, working with you for 6-18 months to create truly-transformational lasting change in your life and relationship. This GURANTEES the results you want to see.
FAQ section
You've got questions. We've got answers.
Absolutely.
If you sign up for a Custom Self Love Plan, I'll craft the plan itself for you, broken down, step by step, month by month, that you can then implement yourself. This includes how you can identify your hurdles and overcome your obstacles - with worksheets and printable's to make it easier to understand and do.
If you sign up for our Signature Self Love Coaching Programme, we will literally work through these steps TOGETHER. This programme is far more comprehensive; it's also customised at each and every stage, based on your growth and journey (after all, things can change as YOU start to change.) We're also likely to dig deeper into other aspects of self love, and other key objectives that you may have (if and where needed), so it doesn't have to stop SOLELY at improving your confidence in a relationship. You'll notice many knock-on effects from it.
If you're unsure where to start or what's the best fit for you, simply schedule a FREE Discovery Call. There's no pressure to sign up, but it makes decision-making easier if you do then decide to go ahead with it.
Providing enrolment is currently open (which right now, it is), we can start straight away, OR you can save your place by signing up now, then begin on a date that works best for you.
That's the great thing - I'll meet you where you're currently at, working through this with you at your own pace, so that the changes you need to see in yourself and your relationship, is actually do-able, manageable and sustainable.
The most important thing is that you're COMMITTED to working on yourself. (Which I'm sure you are.)
There's NO cost, NO risk, nothing to lose and absolutely NO pressure. It's simply a 15 minute conversation, answering any questions you may have and pointing you in the right direction. Save yourself the "what if's" & speak to the team today!